This was a question posed to me last week by a student in one of my group classes. I've heard the question a LOT from guys learning how to social dance. When it comes to dancing socially, what makes a "FUN" dance? Is it the number or complexity of patterns? Is it your connection to music? What about connection to your partner? How about great technique? How can you tell if your partner is having fun?

In the end, it is probably a little different for everyone based on personality and personal preference, but a consistent thing to note across the board with followers is that we just love to dance. We are more into the dance for the feel of movement matched with the music, the camaraderie amongst our fellow dancers, and the overall social aspect of dancing. We are not necessarily in it to do the most complicated patterns and to do as many of them as possible in one dance. Guys, chances are if all you are focusing on are just patterns, then you are missing a big part of the dance.

Think of dancing like a conversation. When I dance with a guy that only focuses on jamming as many patterns in as possible, it feels similar to having a conversation with someone who is talking AT me rather than talking WITH me. A dance in which my partner doesn't look at me or smile at me is like having a conversation with someone who is distracted. When I have a dance partner that connects with me visually, verbally, in movement, and with the music – well, that's the best dance for me. It just feels easy and fun!

It sometimes seems impossible to have all of the stars align just right to produce that perfect dance, but hang in there. Relax. Dance with a lot of people and people at every level. With each experience, you'll grow and evolve, and some night when you're out dancing and those "dancing stars" align it will be awesome! It makes it all worth it!